thanks for this vulnerable piece, Ryan!

Reading your story makes me think of the Asian-American friends I've made over the years, mostly in college. Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of parents not liking my presence in their kid's life and it's....definitely an odd spot to be in. One mother was visibly uncomfortable with me being friends with her son (though she would never verbalize this herself). According to him, she was worried that we'd "get together" (this was a platonic friendship) and there would be a Black person in the family. His family was definitely more on the traditionalist side of things, to the point where he was strictly expected to marry a Chinese woman (preferably one who did not grow up in America).

In a more severe case, one of my friends let her friend (Korean American) borrow her hoodie one night in the fall when it was chilly. Her mom found the hoodie, asking where she got it from. And when she found out it was loaned from a Black friend, she was told to never do that again because "they're dirty". And I've never been able to pinpoint how to address these issues back then. How was I supposed to react to this? How was I expecting my friends to react to this? Did I expect them to stand up to their parents in our defense? It obviously would have been ideal, but for them it didn't even seem like a possibility.

Your experience isn't one that I can relate to on a personal level, but I definitely hope that you and your brother can find peace with the situation. I'm sure it may mean cutting people off or overcoming the idea of satisfying everyone, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a resolve.